OH MY GOD! What an experience that was. Tiny Frank at the House of Blues. Tomorrow, the world.
There is truly no way to describe the overwhelming joy I felt last night sitting on that stage, sweating profusely, singing and playing songs I have written for an entire room filled with people who love and support me – including my mom and my son. Only one word even comes close – awesomesauce.
But, what now? All the build up is over and the moment is gone. Yet another metaphorical comparison to the Buddhist mandala. Beautiful for its time, then swept up and gone. Left only to memory.
I wouldn’t say today is a let down – no way. I just find that I feel tired. Wiped out. Unsure, truly, how to feel and what to do next. Like the strange depression you feel after an awesome night on ecstasy. Or, so I hear. I wouldn’t know about these things.
It is in these moments that I find life to be the most confusing. It’s not that I don’t know how to be happy, or even that I don’t appreciate the wonderful things about my life. I do. It’s just that I am unable to go through each day without the question – “What in the hell am I supposed to do now?”
If I could, I would honestly spend the entire day today in bed. Watching TV and feeling blah. So much is running through my silly little brain. Bothered by things I really shouldn’t be bothered by. Asking myself things like, “Why do I still let her get to me?”
I played at the House of Blues last night. Not only that, I played songs I friggin wrote. So, why on Earth should I feel anything other than an overwhelming joy at a job well done? Add to that, an overwhelming gratitude to the wonderful human beings I am fortunate enough to call friends who came out to support us.
Because that is who I am.