I was in the car with Jakob the other day, and he was telling me about a song that used to come on the radio all the time in his mom’s car that he absolutely hated. He wasn’t able to remember the name of the song, only that it was a woman singing “please don’t leave me”. He also said he saw a video for the song, and in the video the woman singing was chasing this guy around a mansion or something – and she was carrying an axe. I told him, “I don’t know, monkey. Sounds like a hit to me.”
This began a conversation between the two of us about songs we dislike. Many of you know what my go to was – Total Eclipse Of The Heart. I have the song – by accident, I assure you – on my iPod and proceeded to play the song for Jakob. We didn’t make it to even the first chorus.
I know, I know. “Total Eclipse Of The Heart is a great song!” I have heard it all before, and it will not change my mind. I have a physical reaction any time that song is played, and I immediately become angry. There is a story behind this that i will never get into in a public forum. Let’s just say, I hate that f*cking song.
Ever since, I have thought of songs that have some of the worst lyrics ever written. Compiled here, for your viewing pleasure, is a list of – some of – the worst lyrics ever written.
And, before you waste your time, please don’t bother defending any of these songs to me. If I felt I could be swayed, they wouldn’t have made the list. These lyrics are stupid. Make peace with it.
- “Young, black and famous with money hangin out the anus” – Sean “Puff Daddy, P Diddy, Puffy” Combs and Mase’s Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down.
- “I don’t think that I’ve got the stomach to stomach calling you today” – Saves The Day’s See You.
- “My panty line shows/Got a run in my hose/My hair went flat/Man, I hate that” – Shania Twain’s Honey, I’m Home.
- “Now you’re amazed by the VIP posse, Steppin’ so hard like a German Nazi” – Vanilla Ice’s Play That Funky Music.
- “I ain’t never seen an ass like that. The way you move it, you make my pee-pee go doing-doing-doing.” – Eminem’s Ass Like That.
- “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” – 50 Cent’s 21 Questions.
- “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don’t confuse them with mountains.” – Shakira’s Whenever, Wherever.
- “There were plants, and birds, and rocks and things.” – America’s Horse With No Name.
- “I wish it was Sunday. That’s my fun day. My ‘I don’t have to run’ day” – The Bangles’ Manic Monday.
- “Your butt is mine” – Michael Jackson’s Bad.
- “I could have another you in a minute. Matter fact, he’ll be here in a minute.” – Beyonce’s Irreplaceable.
- “And there’s music playing, but I can’t hear the sound. Just the sound of the rain falling silently down.” – Cheap Trick’s Ghost Town.
- “I’m hot ’cause I’m fly/You ain’t ’cause you’re not/This is why/This is why I’m hot” – Mim’s This Is Why I’m Hot.
- “Having my baby, what a lovely way of saying that you’re thinking of me” – Paul Anka’s (Your) Having My Baby.
- “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that” – Meatloaf’s I Would Do Anything For Love (But, I Won’t Do That).
- “He was a boy/She was a girl/Can I make it any more obvious?” – Avril Lavigne’s Sk8tr Boi.
- “Only time will tell if we stand the test of time” – Van Halen’s Why Can’t This Be Love.
I thought about adding a remark after each lyric, explaining why it is on the list and why I think it’s horrible. However, I believe these poets speak for themselves.
It is a truly vulnerable thing to write a song. You not only put yourself out there with your voice (which can already show your heart and soul), but your words are there as well. Your view of life and the world in general. The combination of the two is what makes music so universal, as it is a language which is truly understood by all.
The only thing these lyrics convey is… well…
Stupid is as stupid does.