(I realized I hadn’t quoted any Tiny Frank yet, so there it is.)
So, I have been leery to write about this, quite honestly, because of the theme of my recent posts. I am doing so well, and feeling really good, and I didn’t want to admit that the weather had been strangely representative of my mood. But, there it is. I have felt a little down.
The thing is; I was recently (emotionally and metaphorically) punched in the gut, and I have dealt with the emotions surround that gut punch ever since. I will say this, to my credit, I have not spiraled into dark places like I used to. However, in trying to cling tenaciously to the “new and improved” I ignored one of the biggest lessons I have learned. You must embrace the truth and live it. By trying to deny your feelings, you do nothing but prolong the pain associated with them.
All I want, honestly, is to stand tall and be unaffected. I don’t want to “not care”, or be angry. I don’t want to focus negativity in trying to make myself feel better. I want to truly have my own emotional, spiritual and physical well-being remain solid. To be able to let things that are beyond my control simply be. All I can do is keep up the wish to make choices that lead me to better things and happier times – all out of a deep want to be a genuinely good man. To continue on this road I have found myself on, and move forward. Always forward.
I am an emotional human being, so things affect me. I am grateful for this. It makes me compassionate and loving, and only serves to strengthen my connection to humanity at large. There may be things I want to change about myself, but that is definitely not one of them.
Sorry to be cryptic, but I don’t want to get into what exactly happened. All I wish to say is; I knew it would happen, and now it has. I can finally move on. It may hurt now, but it wont hurt forever. And, in the end, I am truly happy.
You know what sounds good? A nice breakfast.