Dammit! I had a friend plant the seed of a thought in my head, and I haven’t been able to shake it. I keep imagining scenarios and dialogue that could very easily happen. One of the problems with having a fully functioning imagination is the inability to turn it off when needed. Much like a factory on autopilot, the brain keeps churning, and the ideas keep flowing, and there truly is no rest for the wicked.
Why did my friend have to say that? MAN! I was doing fine with things being the way they are. Get up in the morning, go about my day, maybe do something other than watch TV in the evening, go to bed – rinse/repeat. Now, I have this “thing” I can’t get rid of that has interrupted my routine and made me feel (shiver) hope. I HATE hope. Who needs it? All it serves to do is distract us from the horrible thing we happen to actually be dealing with at the moment. Hope is for suckers and children. Hope is empty calories. Hope is… pointless.
And yet, the faint glimmer is undeniable. I’d be lying if I said any different. The craziest thing of all is that it is accompanied by possibility – which makes it dangerous. All I would need to do to put the wheels in motion, to knock over the beginning domino, is be honest. That’s it. I am sure of it.
Ultimately, the real question isn’t the validity of the situation but whether it is something I want. I mean, sure, if I went after it I have no doubt it could probably be mine. But, do I want it? It’s attractive enough, but beyond that? I really don’t know. It’s been so long since I have even faced this that the thought of it being a reality just seems silly. And, I have grown cautious in my old age. I don’t trust as easily as I used to.