Love. That wonderful pain-in-the-ass chemical reaction in our brains that makes us feel euphoria and stupidity all at once. For some, the mother lode. The discovery of a lifetime. For others, as ever elusive as a genuine photo of Big Foot or Nessie. What is it about love that is so enticing? Especially when, after more than a dozen tries, it doesn’t work out? Perhaps there are those who are meant for it, and others who are not. Perhaps there is no “answer”, and it really does boil down to chance. One things for sure, I know now how to make it work should it come my way again. Don’t try to “keep” it. Just love.
I have many friends who are in relationships. Couples. I would say the great majority go together like peanut butter and jelly – they just fit. Perhaps it is because that is how I know them, or perhaps it is truly because they are the perfect match. Who’s to say? I just know; I cannot imagine them any other way. They are a team, and they work well together – and, I wouldn’t want them any other way. Then, there are the couples who I look at and think, “What the hell are you DOING? Run! RUN!!!” Amazing people who have surrendered themselves to a romantic circumstance that is just unhealthy and tragic. Instead of sharing how truly incredible they are with someone who will only make them better, they waste their time with someone who keeps them under foot. I must have empathy for these people, as I have been there myself. Wanted so badly to be loved that I gave up on who I was just so that they would stay with me. I have, unfortunately, been on the other side of that as well. So afraid that they would leave I was controlling and cruel. It is a slippery slope, and one that has become frightening to me. I used to be the guy urging his friends to jump off the cliff into the ocean at night by jumping off first. Now, I am the guy sitting back saying, “You guys go ahead.”
I have said many times, and it has actually come true, I would rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable. I just said to someone the other day, “No matter how lonely or horny I may get, I’d rather be happy.” Don’t get me wrong, I love “love” and I love being “in love”. I realize I may read like a melancholy mess of a man, but in truth I am incredibly romantic and loving. Warm, even. I “love” romance. Nice dinners, getting dressed up, staring at your “other” all night because they are the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. Awesome. But, those trappings can muddy that no matter how wonderful it may feel to have someone to hold, if you cannot be who you truly are with that person – it WILL fall apart.
In the end, and I am just rehashing old philosophy here, it DOES come down to loving who you are. Until you can reach a point where you truly feel, “I’m not cool with that, and I am going to tell you so because it’s the truth”, odds are it is not going to work out. You have to be able to speak your heart, even if you are being irrational and emotional, and feel safe that the person you “love” is going to understand you and “love” you anyway. That they will have the desire to listen to you, share their side, and ultimately work towards reaching a place of true harmony.
I believe this. I really do. I have seen it. Unfortunately, it limits possibilities. Where before I would fall for anyone who looked at me, now I am selective and harsh. I can only liken it to going to college and getting a degree while also doing field work and truly understanding your subject – becoming an expert. When it comes time to get a job, you know your worth. You’re not going to accept a job at McDonald’s when you could be head of Warner Bros. The same goes for love. Know your worth, and accept nothing less.
Here’s to you.