The power of words. They can build up, or tear down. Turn you on, or turn you off. Metaphor, allegory, simile, foreshadow… conflict. All so wonderful. There is nothing tangible in a word, yet there is an undeniable power there. A single sentence can transport you to any place in the universe, including your own heart. It can also destroy a meaningful relationship, or deter someone from even wanting to know you at all.
Think of a racial slur. Doesn’t matter what you thought of, just realize that at my written suggestion – a WORD popped into your head. The word itself is meaningless. The use of it is where the power comes in. Now, think of the word “love”. Focus, for a moment, on what that word makes you feel. Does it ignite a sense of joy and wonder? Or, does it remind you of pain and instill fear? Again, just a word – not even said… written.
The title of this post is from a Morphine song titled Whisper. The song is a slow blues/jazz grove that is sexy as hell. All percussion instruments, with the sax on melody. The lyrics embrace the sexiness of the music and take it even further. In my opinion, the line above is HOT. He’s saying, “I’m not looking at you” while at the same time describing her. In one line, and entire scenario is set – and that is powerful stuff.
I try my best to use words to communicate honestly and from my heart. I really do. In this blog, in text messages, in FB posts, and in conversation. However, the written word is completely dependent upon the readers perception, and can be taken any number of ways. I have learned a major lesson in written communication: If it feels like it doesn’t need to be said, don’t say it. If you pause before you post, delete it. Err on the side of caution – always.
There is one person who, for reasons unknown, intimidates the sh*t out of me. No matter what I try to communicate to this person, I always feel like I screw it up. Every time. They do not know me very well, and I don’t know them very well either, but I have this “idea” of them – and it scares the crap out of me. I always feel like I am, somehow, not good enough. So, when I try to communicate, I feel like I end up hurting my case instead of helping it. All written word, by the way. None of it spoken.
I am not sure why or how I gave this person so much power, but despite my best efforts to claim it back I seem to be unable to. They effect me in a way no one else does. The explorer in me finds this so intriguing, I keep going back for more – despite feeling like I am coming across like some sort of crazy intense freak. The universe has been absolutely no help at all, as far as cutting me a break. My own personal Everest.
In the end, it really doesn’t matter – and I know that. But, the fact that this completely idealized person can have such an overwhelming and crippling effect on me is truly a puzzlement. Until I figure it out, I will continue to climb – or be tossed from the mountain. (Which I will only attempt to climb again.) I need to figure it out. The answer to this will only serve to show more of myself to me, and I want to learn what that is.
My goal is to give myself the approval I am so desperate to receive from this person. As well as figure out why what they think is so damned important to me. Because, right now, it doesn’t make any sense.
Then again, what does?