“Most quarrels amplify a misunderstanding.” – Andre Gide
Well, here we are again. The subject of much debate. Some say good, some say bad – and never the twain shall meet. It’s only fair, I guess. There are people out there whose company I do not enjoy. It’s only fair that there be people who feel the same way about me. It still sucks though.
One of the most frustrating situations I encounter in my day-to-day is when someone is upset with me because they took something I said (or wrote) in a way that is nowhere near the way I meant it. Even more frustrating is the feeling that I communicated well, and yet they STILL manage to find fault with my words. The hardest part about all of this is knowing that the only reason they feel the way they do is because of their over all vision of you as a person. If they knew you, heart and soul, then they would know exactly what you meant – right? Or, at least, give you the opportunity to explain. The problem is, and I am guilty of this as well,… when you have an idea of someone it is far too easy to bend the things they say to fit your image of them, as opposed to hearing what it is that is actually being communicated. This whole interacting with people thing is hard.
Another quote which I feel really sums up what I am trying to say:
“If you want that good feeling that comes from doing things for other folks then you have to pay for it in abuse and misunderstanding.” – Zora Neale Hurston
It is difficult to re-establish yourself with someone you have a history with. Especially if they feel you have done them wrong. Words are awkward, as are emotions. The”right thing to do” becomes cloudy and difficult to discern. Far too often have I been left standing, arms raised in a “What did I do now?” stance. It sucks. All it does is create unwanted stress, and a constant stream of “how do I fix this” thoughts. Which isn’t fair to do to myself, at all.
If, at the end of the day, you can honestly say, “What happened was never my intent. I just spoke my mind and my heart. I am sorry you misunderstood.” – then good on you. I am so exhausted from the years of beating the hell out of myself for someone else having a personal prejudice with me that makes them convinced they know what I really meant as opposed to listening to what I am actually saying. For far too long have I taken on the responsibility of trying to convince people of who I am so that there is peace between us. Taken on the responsibility of trying to “fix it”. It’s not just up to me. If you want peace, then we must work together towards that peace. It’s not my job alone.
It’s just hard, you know? I am striving for a place where I will no longer feel the need to write a post like this. Where I can check in and say, “Wow, friends. Today was awesome. I feel GREAT!” However, I am a student just like you – and I still have so much to learn. I just wish I had someone in my life to love me and tell me when I am spinning out of control. A partner. Because, dealing with this stuff alone makes it difficult to find perspective at times. And, without perspective – misunderstanding can run rampant.
That said, if my words have ever offended or upset you – I am sorry. I may be a lot of things, but evil is not one of them. And, I would never intentionally set out to hurt anyone, ever. I am only ever trying to get to the truth. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s ugly.
I would like to end this by saying; I hope you are having an amazing day. I hope you feel good, and have something you are looking forward to. I hope for good things to come your way. I hope you are happy.
I am fairly certain there is no way that can be misunderstood – but, I’ve been wrong before.