Being down I had to clown…

There’s a lot to be said for kindness.  It’s always so wonderful to look into the eyes of a truly kind-hearted person as they speak with you. Their smile is so sincere, as are their words.  They greet you the minute they see you just by the expression on their face. It warms and soothes and reminds you of what the world can be.

This past week I had the great fortune to meet and be around some incredibly kind people.  Some I have known for a while, others I just met.

(I see visions of an ashram, or a quiet lonesome cabin, where I can sit and meditate and focus on quieting my mind and strengthening my heart and soul.  The initial reason for being there would be escape.  Running away from myself to find someone new. To hopefully find peace and serenity. Aum.)

One of the things I truly enjoy about kind people is,… they bring out the kindness in me.  It slips on comfortably, like your favorite shirt.  And, when you wear it, you never worry about the way you look. In fact, you don’t think about pointless things at all. You just enjoy yourself without having to try.

(Then there’s that whole Ireland dream.  Should be able to get there by next year for 6 months or so.  Hopefully set up a means of residency and employment.  Beyond teaching English, which is what would allow you to be there in the first place.  Find a nice quiet town where you can eventually buy some land and live out the rest of your days. Take some of dads ashes with, mix it with the soil and plant a tree.  Honor him by making him a part of the land itself.  It’s a beautiful thought.)

I wish I had an experience where I was forced to live with people for a month straight – like a community.  Kind, honest, loving, honorable people.  We would spend each day together, and every night. If conflict arose, it would be taken care of by good conversation and the mediation of the others around us.  Can you imagine how solid you would feel after an experience like that?  I believe it would reinforce the belief that you have nothing to fear.  That who you are is wonderful, and everyone is hurting in some way. You would no longer fear rejection, because – for you – it would no longer exist.

I know what you are most likely thinking, because I am obviously thinking it as well.  No such thing as utopia, dude. It’s still nice to think about, isn’t it?

(Your tax return is pretty decent this year.  Start by putting a portion of it aside and don’t touch it.  Save, for once in your life.  Be smart.  Think ahead, and realize anything you dream of can come to pass – if YOU make it happen.  There’s no reason it has to stay a fantasy. “Don’t dream it, be it.”)

Ever feel like you just want to run?  Like you want to pick up, move on, and start over?  I know that whatever your issues are will follow you wherever you go.  But, it’s the people.  The newness and the ability to be who you are now with a whole new group of people.

The terrible thing about that is the fact that you aren’t giving the people you know now the chance to love you despite your past.  Not giving them the chance to accept your humanity and your growth.  Love them the way you want to be loved.  Let them show you just how amazing THEY can be.

(A hideout in the woods. Some time alone where you will spend the entire time wishing you had someone with you.  To talk to.  To laugh with. To not feel so alone with. The double-edged sword of solitude and serenity. The joyless aspect of joy.)

What I have learned? You have to be honest with YOURSELF.  Stop worrying about being honest with others.  Just be honest with yourself, and the rest will follow. You already know peace.  You already know love.  Now, be the change.  Act. Do. Live.

(I want to stand before you and scream out loud how much I love you. You deserve to hear it, and I want the world to know it. You’re beautiful and brilliant and amazing and strong – and best of all… you don’t need to be rescued. But, I’m a romantic and would do my best to protect you anyway.)

It is so easy to get sidetracked by the pointless. Letting your mind wander down paths that lead to nothing productive.  When you feel this beginning to happen, stop yourself and breathe.  Then, remind yourself of something you are truly grateful for. Once you make this a daily practice, you wont even need to do it consciously.  It’ll become the way you think.  Who you are.

(It’s Valentines Day.)

It’s Valentines Day.

This post was a weird one.


About "Mike"

"We only become what we are by the radical and deep-seated refusal of that which others have made of us." - Jean-Paul Sartre "Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life." - Herbert Otto "Heed the still small voice that so seldom leads us wrong, and never into folly." - Marquise du Deffand "Your real influence is measured by your treatment of yourself." - A. Bronson Alcott "Energy and persistence conquer all things." - Benjamin Franklin "If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison "A man who finds no satisfaction in himself will seek for it in vain elsewhere." - La Rochefoucauld
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