I want to write. Strike that. I NEED to write. I still have no idea if anyone even reads these or not, but I am grateful for this blog regardless. To be able to share these thoughts and feelings helps me immensely. Allows me the luxury of looking at things a little clearer once they are out of my little pea-brain, taking the important lesson and moving the f*ck on. Score.
Today was long. I really don’t want to talk about what I did today because it’s unimportant and, quite frankly, embarrassing. Let’s just say I spent very many hours waiting in a room with the general public, and it was not pretty. At one point the woman behind me was hugging her crying child, which placed the child’s screaming maw directly in line with my ear. Add to that, each time the woman moved her child’s flailing arms were smacking me in the back of the head. I just kept thinking, “Karma burn-off, brother. Karma burn-off.”
The reality of my situation began to turn on me a little, and I felt the exhaustive weight of the reality. When my name had finally been called and I was brought in to speak to the woman interviewing me, I couldn’t help but sit there with my head in my hand as she typed away. Even now I feel crushed. I just want to sleep.
The good news is, I was incredibly proactive and accomplished a lot. Made positive ground, so to speak. Some of the stress has been alleviated, I am happy to report.
Now, if I can just turn off the old noodle and get rid of my grump. I’m grumpy. Maybe because I am hungry. I must consider that. I hadn’t eaten from 8:30 this morning until about three minutes ago. No wonder that screaming child had me homicidal. I was hungry.
If I could have anything right now it would be an excellent evening with everyone I know. Even the ones I am no longer close to, or are no longer social with. Just one large gathering where everyone was happy and peaceful. Where there was no drama or negativity. Just the joy of the moment and the camaraderie of souls.
I am not sure how I will do it, but my goal for this year is to make peace with everyone I know – if there is peace that needs to be made. It may work out. It may not. But, at least I will have made an effort. After that, it’s up the the universe. I know that with some people it will never be the same. With some people, it can’t be. But, that doesn’t mean it can’t be whatever it is now. Better to be distant and at peace than together and at war. Right?
Okay, I am distracted and confused. I have no idea what my point is any longer. So, I guess I will stop there.
Shower, some Skyrim, a bit of day-dreaming, then sleep.
Hoping you are well.